アダルトチルドレンの生き辛さを語る時に、インナーチャイルドという言葉をよく耳にします。
アダルトチルドレンの方は、子どもの頃に、家庭で親との関係の中で、傷つき、癒されることなく、心の中に傷ついた子どもを持ったまま大人になっています。
心の中の傷ついた子ども、それがインナーチャイルドです。
こんにちは、カウンセラーの蒼乃ひろこです。
小さな子どもは、何か出来たら「見て見て！」「聞いて聞いて！」と無邪気に、自分がやったことを自慢し、褒めてもらいたがります。
そんな時に、親が「よく出来たね」「すごいね」と褒めてあげれば、子どもは嬉しくて、認められたと心が満たされます。
でも、その時に、親の機嫌が悪かったり、他のことで忙しかったりして、無視され、「今は忙しい」「うるさい」「そんなのどうでもいい」など言われたら、子どもは傷ついてしまいます。
一度だけなら、そのことも忘れて、また子どもは同じように、「見て見て」「聞いて聞いて」と言ってきます。でも、それが何度も続くと、子どもながらに、「もうやめよう」と諦めてしまいます。そしてほんとは注意を惹きたくて、褒められたくて、認められたくて仕方のない子どもの心は傷つき、そのまま癒されることなく大人になっていくのです。
その満たされない心は大人になっても消えることなく、社会人になっても「認めてほしい」と思い続けています。
あなたの周りの人は口に出さないだけで、あなたの事を認めて、好意を持っていてくれるかもしれません。
でも、子どもの時に受けたメッセージ、「お前はダメだ」「愛されてない」「間違っている」を心の中にずっと持ち続けているアダルトチルドレンの方は、無意識に「自分はダメだ」「誰にも愛されていない」「何をしてもダメだ」そう感じながら生きていて、生き辛さを感じています。
ここで覚えていてほしいことは、
外側の世界は、あなたの内側の世界を表しているということです。
あなたの心の中にある無意識が、現実を作っているのです。
内側で思っている、「お前はダメだ」「愛されてない」「間違っている」という思考は、あなたの外側に表れ、自分を裁く人が現れます。実際には裁いていないかもしれません。でも、あなたの認識は「自分はダメで、周りの人は自分の事を認めてくれない」と決めつけてしまうのです。
自分の内側が変わるまで、いつもあなたを裁く人は現れてあなたを苦しめます。
どこでもずっと、色んな所で。だから引っ越しをしても、仕事場を変えても、同じような体験をするのです。
今これを読んでいるあなたもそれを経験しているのかもしれません。
この生き辛さを克服するにはどうすればいいのでしょう？
まずは気付くこと
そしてインナーチャイルドを認めて、褒めて、全部受け止めてあげること。
自分の中の感情を観察して、インナーチャイルドに気付いてあげましょう。
怒った時、悲しい時、寂しい時、マイナスの感情が出てきたら、本当は何を言いたいのか、何を認めてほしいのか、何を褒められたいのか、その子の言い分をしっかり聞いてあげましょう。
不平不満も全部聞いてあげましょう。あなたが怒っている時、インナーチャイルドは「聞いて聞いて！」と言ってきているのです。
「今日は、ちょっと上司に怒られた。むかついた、だって、ちゃんと仕事しているのに、そこは見てくれなくて、ミスばかり怒られる。ほんと腹立つ！」否定せずに全部聞いてあげて下さい。
そして、どんなに自分が頑張っているのか、聞いてあげて、自分で自分をほめてあげて下さい。「見て見て！」と言っているインナーチャイルドのことをしっかり褒めてあげましょう。
「ミスはしたかもしれないけど、こんな細かいところにも気を使ってるんだよ。本当に自分はよく頑張ってる、えらいえらい」
全部聞いてあげて、あなたの親がしてくれなかったことを全部してあげましょう。
自分の事を褒めて、認めて、愛してあげて下さい。
誰も言ってくれなくても、あなたはちゃんと知っています。
あなたは認められるに値する、褒められるに値する、愛されるに値する人だということを。
この気付きがあり、自分を受け止めてあげ始めると、あなたの内側が変わり、外側の世界が変わり始めます。
あなたを裁く人はいなくなり、生き辛さが消えています。
インナーチャイルドを癒したい
そんな方は是非一度カウンセリングをお試しください。
お申し込みはこちらから
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「インナーチャイルドとは？生き辛さ解消に必要なのは〇〇」への 39 件のコメント
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